“What did you mean when you said __________?”

This statement saved me from ruining a relationship.

Have you ever reacted poorly to something someone said in an email? I remember one email in particular from a colleague where 95% of her email was fine, then there was one statement that really offended me. I mean, I went from zero to ten on the ‘ticked off meter’ in a heartbeat. I couldn’t believe she would say such a thing to me! I hit reply and started typing back an emotionally charged response. As I was about to hit send, I paused and said out loud, “I really can’t believe she would say such a thing.” As soon as the words came out of my mouth, it caused me to pause a bit more, which gave me enough time to think a little more rationally. I decided to clarify what she meant rather than send my loaded email. I backed out my highly emotional response and instead asked, “Can you clarify what you meant when you said _______.” Then I hit send.

I have spent the last several months designing a new program for Personify Leadership. It’s the Deep Dive program that leaders can take after they have completed our Core Program. When we designed Core, it took a full year of designing and tweaking, and we still make small changes here and there to keep the content current and relevant. I facilitated the pilot for Deep Dive last week, and I’m so excited for this new program to come to fruition. I have felt ALL the feels over the last several weeks: exhausted, overwhelmed, elated, frustrated, hopeful, sad, overjoyed, creative, hysterical, spent and relieved. Now that the pilot is complete, it’s still all of those things, but with a sense of calm and peace that is palpable. I know this program is going to change lives.

Recently, I was asked by the Association for Talent Development to write a few articles for their blog. The first article I wrote is called Three Reasons Delegation Fails – Dissecting Delegation for Better Results. Part of being a good leader is getting work done through others. Once an individual goes from a peer level to a people manager level, one critical skill they will need is effective delegation. 

Delegation can be tricky and is full of potential pitfalls. When we do it well, we help others develop and grow. When we don’t do it effectively, we can create sabotage. When we don’t do it at all, we limit our growth and the growth of others. What is it that makes delegation so challenging to embrace, and why do those who do it so often fail to reach their goals? Let’s start by looking at what we really mean when we talk about delegation.

This month we are focusing on the Voice and Ears of a leader, or in other words, how we talk and listen to each other. There is a mounting body of evidence from researchers and practitioners that tell us positive words and interactions with others are at the heart of engagement and strong performance. And yet, sometimes we have to give feedback that is not always a positive experience. It’s simply part of being a leader. So a question we’ll explore in this article is “how do we say the hard stuff while also engaging others?”