Listening Past Your Own Thoughts

by Michelle Cummings

Real listening is rare. Not the kind where you nod and wait for your turn to speak, but the kind where you fully take in what someone else is saying, even when it challenges what you think or believe. That kind of listening requires presence, humility, and one of the hardest leadership skills to develop: awareness of your own internal noise.

We all carry thoughts, assumptions, and judgments into conversations. It’s natural. But when we let those inner voices dominate, they drown out what the other person is trying to communicate. We hear selectively, prepare our rebuttal, or tune out altogether. The moment we think, “I already know where this is going,” we stop listening.

Leaders who can spot that moment – and reset – create space for deeper trust. That reset might mean slowing your breath, letting go of a judgment, or asking a clarifying question instead of defending a position. The goal isn’t to erase your thoughts, but to recognize them without letting them take over the conversation.

When someone feels truly heard, walls drop. Solutions surface that weren’t visible before. Misunderstandings dissolve. But none of that happens if you’re stuck in your own mental monologue. Active listening begins with noticing: What story am I telling myself about this person? What assumptions am I making?

Listening without judgment doesn’t mean agreement. It means giving someone the dignity of your attention. It means asking yourself, “Am I really hearing this person, or am I reacting to my own thoughts about them?” Leaders who make that distinction model maturity, emotional intelligence, and empathy.

The Ears Module of our Core Program helps leaders develop this kind of listening awareness. It trains you to recognize internal blocks, shift out of judgment, and be fully present in moments that matter. The result is stronger relationships, clearer communication, and a culture built on real connection. Learn more.

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